As children most of us grew familiar with the sing-song Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. We were not aware of just how untrue that little ditty was and what deep and long lasting wounds we receive and inflict with our words. Adults, especially parents, teachers and other significant adults in the life of a child, are unaware at times of how harmful are the words that they believe are used to discipline, change behavior or motivate a child. While children are particularly vulnerable, you dont have to be a child to be wounded by words.

Whats the matter with you? is a question that implies that something is the matter and often sends the mind into a spin trying to find the things that are wrong something is wrong with me, let me count the ways. If you keep that up, youll never amount to anything, is another word-gift that keeps on giving. Some other choice negative phrases or questions are: Why cant you be smart like your sister? (There are a thousand variations on this theme). You must be taking ugly pills. You need to keep your mouth shut so people dont know how stupid you are. These types of statements are like twigs in a river that get caught on something and soon create a dam that blocks the flow of water. These phrases get caught in the mind and every negative word then gets stuck there blocking the minds ability to see and accept the positive. If they are too harsh and sustained for too long, they can kill the zest for life.

A mother told her unruly son, for example, to stand still and not speak until she gave him permission. In her busyness she forgot to tell her five year old that he could speak and neither of them understood why he developed a serious stuttering problem.

A father told his son repeatedly that he was no good at baseball and all the batting talent of that young man went down the drain. His dream of baseball was ruined and he never had another dream that big or that motivating and he is still searching for something he can wrap his dreams around.

A husband had the habit of sending little vocal barbs to his wife about her size, her intelligence, her way of speaking, the way she handled the children, the way she walked, etc. and he couldnt understand why she became totally unresponsive to him. (It was, of course, all her fault). He was even more surprised when she left him.

These careless or not so careless words sometimes create blocks so big and so wide that self-esteem cannot get around them like the water cannot flow around dam in the river.

These thoughts and resulting beliefs and emotions are stored subconsciously and, like unblocking the dam in the river, these blocks can be released. One wonderful tool used to release them is hypnosis. Hypnosis is a tool that allows you to work in the subconscious mind, the storehouse for emotions, habits, thoughts and these dammed up blocks that limit or impede our road to success. Removing them allows growth, freedom, self-realization and a renewed zest for life.

Perhaps the saying should be changed to Sticks and stones may break my bones but hurtful words can kill me. Perhaps the saying should be replaced by the other sing-song children use: Im rubber and youre glue. Whatever you say about me bounces back and sticks on to you.

I think youre beautiful and oh, so very smart!

Irene Conlan has a masters degree in nursing, a doctoral degree in metaphysics, is a certified hypnotherapist and an ordained minister. She practices holistic hypnotherapy and officiates at weddings in Scottsdale, Az and the Phoenix metropolitan area. Irene can be found at http://www.theselfimprovementblog.com

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