Turning 16 is a major milestone in a girls life, one that parents often celebrate with a party. However, when the girls idea of a great party conflicts with what Mom and Dad have in mind, disagreements can escalate into tearful blow-ups and family dissension.

Some parents view their daughters 16th birthday as a coming-of-age celebration that they expect shell want to share with a group of her closest girlfriends. They may be surprised to learn that she sees the perfect Sweet Sixteen as an invite-everyone, urban-club-style bash.

Fortunately, parents can avoid the Sweet Sixteen planning minefield by setting a few ground rules up front, says Susan Bartell, a Port Washington, New York psychologist who specializes in teen girls and their behavior.

Heres a rundown of strategies to help minimize the most predictable conflicts, plus important subjects youll want to cover in a sit-down talk with your daughter before her Big Day:

Involve her in the planning

Often, the party budget helps to determine the type of party, where it will be held, how many guests will be invited, the type of food, and level of entertainment.

Give your daughter the chance to participate in the decision-making. If there is a budget, let her know what it is. Encourage her to think about how she would like the money to be allocated.

If a Saturday night girl/boy party is the celebration of choice, make it clear that you will be there to supervise the event. Too often, kids think their parents will take care of all party arrangements and then disappear, says Bartell. Let her know that you and other adults will be there, she counsels.

Selecting her outfit

Shopping for a dress for a 16-year-old can be fun. It also can turn into a battle of wills, especially if your daughter wants to wear a dress that you feel is too revealing.

Its fine for you to disagree with her choice and to try to steer her away from a particular dress. Just be sure to phrase your objections in terms of the dress, not her. Tell her you think that a particular style is unsuitable for any girl her age, or for the occasion.

Dont attack her judgment. Gently voice your opinion, but not in a harsh way, advises Bartell.

Suggest that you both look at other styles or see whats available at other stores. Try to keep it positivee.g., Im sure well find dresses youll love even more and that will look fantastic on you.

Choosing the dance music

Another issue that can cause conflict is the choice of music. Unfortunately, some songs by popular artists offer up profanity, references to sex, and the glorification of violencesometimes, all in the same song.

This is a tough one. Parents may not know whats popular at the moment or what any particular song is about. But your DJ will. If you have concerns, sit down with your daughter and with the DJ. Ask for guidance and suggestions.

You may have to compromise and allow the DJ to play at least some music youre not happy about, says Bartell. Whats important is to use the discussion about music to reinforce the values that are important to you and your family, she advises.

The toughest part of the planning

Finally, theres an aspect of Sweet Sixteen party-planning that almost certainly will result in discord. Yet its critically important to address. The issue: Preventing unacceptable behavior at the party.

Were all smart enough to know that in todays world, It cant happen here is not a statement of fact; its simply wishful thinking.

Trying to prevent kids from having access to drugs and alcohol at your daughters party is essential. So, too, is seeking to avoid such other potential problems as teens sneaking off to have sex, or damaging property.

Make it absolutely clear that you will not tolerate these types of behaviors. Let your daughter know exactly how you will respond should any problems arise. Give her plenty of time before the party to talk to her friends and let them know the ground rules.

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Celebrate with Style (http://celebratewithstyle.com/) is the first guide to creating the celebrations that make life so much richer. It features advice on planning memorable parties for family members and friends, as well as holiday, business, social, and fundraising events. The site offers ideas and advice from experts on festive foods, stylish dcor, dress-up fashion, and beauty. It also provides party planning tools for kids birthdays, coming-of-age celebrations, and wedding-related festivities.

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